Feminist and Married : Why Can’t Women be Feminist, Married & Share Their Husband’s Name?

Hey Sweeties,

I have some outrageous breaking news for you all today that frankly, might even Blow. Your. Minds. Are you ready? Okay, so you can be a feminist AND married. Oh. My. God! I know Sweeties, I know, this revelation will be news to many.

I thought it was something I should address on here because I have spoken about many things that are both feminist in topic, and from a feminist perspective and having been married for almost a year now, I did not want people still stuck in the dark ages to start accusing me of fraud. Nevertheless, yes my Sweeties, you can indeed be a feminist and married.

Feminist and married

Feminist and Married 

Can someone actually explain to me how getting married stops you being feminist? You know men can be feminists too, right? So why can’t men and women be feminist and married?

Unfortunately, there are some feminists still stuck in wave one when the suffragettes were out marching for the vote; there are also some non-feminists who still anchor their perception of feminism and being feminist to that time in history. ANOTHER BREAKING ANNOUNCEMENT! Feminism has moved on so much since then, what number wave we’re currently riding I don’t know as I left academic theory in the fourth wave, when we were beyond girl power and sitting more in the era of all fighting for equality for both men and women alike. We could be on wave six for all I know but the fact is that feminism is not bra burning; it is not man hating; it is not poor me stuck in the house looking after the children while my husband is out at work. But it is, why am I not earning as much as my male colleague in the same role? Why don’t I have the same right as my wife to have x months off at home with my newborn baby? Why do men sit at the top of many top organisations? Why are more women not on boards? It is equality. Our gender should not define our pay packet, or our rights in this country/world etc. I appreciate I have used first world issues in my argument and not considered women around the world, but equality it still equality, whether we’re in the west, east, Africa or the United Kingdom; Muslim, Christian or Jewish.

Tell me how becoming a wife stops me from having those views?

Mr & Mrs *insert groom’s surname here*

Of all the arguments out there about this, one aspect I do completely agree with is that companies and people should not automatically assume that a married woman would take her husband’s name. For me personally I have seen this on wedding gift lists as a couple will register in two different names and then the system often automatically combines a couple under the groom’s surname in any communication after the wedding, and on the sending out of the gifts. That being said, a woman has a right to be annoyed, but when I see a comment about this on the internet, her anger IS OFTEN WRITTEN IN BIG CAPITAL LETTERS  which I think is unnecessary, just calm down, love, calm down.

Changing my name

For me, changing my name was all part of the excitement of getting married and I have never not considered not changing my name. I was never one of those kids that dreamt about her wedding day since she was four years old (which, FYI, I find very concerning about children who do), but growing up with married parents with the same surname (my Dad’s obviously), I have always considered it as being the thing you do, when you tie the knot. Times have changed since thirty years ago, of course they have, but I like traditions and this is one I believe should stay.

People get married for a whole number of reasons, and although I have never not felt secure in my relationship, being married has for both my husband and I, bound us together even tighter. Also, we both believe in marriage, it was always going to be step we took and I think especially when you plan on having children, you should all share something beyond living under the same roof and the family cat.

Being a Girl

Something else that pains me are women who are so stuck on portraying being a feminist, that they do not allow themselves to be human. It is okay to have all the above thoughts and fight for them, and have a big wedding if you want one. Marriage is still a celebration of two families coming together. It is also okay to be feminist and let your daughter play with dolls if that is what she wants to play with, the same for your son. What is dated is toyshops divided by blue and pink, but that is branding, not feminism and not for this post, I will leave that debate to when I have to deal with it as a mother.

On the topic of being a girl however, (as a side note), does anyone else find the Always adverts extremely patronising?

What are your thoughts on this, people? Do you agree with that we can be feminist and married or am I just talking shit? Please leave your views in the comments below!

Until next time x


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