Understanding anxiety, especially for colleagues at work, can be tough. But it’s the little things often than can be the difference between a good day and a bad day.
Sometimes it really is as simple as having a workplace culture that encourages everyone to say hello to each other in the morning; to have a nice evening before going home; and to not be afraid of asking if everything is okay, or giving your line manager or a trusted colleague the heads up when you’re not feeling your best.
Interview anxiety is something so many people suffer with. At various points in life, you will recognise that change is on the horizon and it is time to get a new job. If only one could get a job from your credentials on paper alone, eh?
But there has been a gap until now identifying the reasons why an interview is stressful for someone with anxiety, and about applying those interview tips and advice I have shared previously, to somebody with anxiety… somebody just like me.
Rightly or wrongly, I go into an interview and treat it like a performance, a display of my best self demonstrating my personality and my capability for the role I am in contention for.
The fact that my interview anxiety is going mad behind the scenes and I am a ball of insecurity on the inside shouldn’t prevent me from getting the role. And it shouldn’t be the same for you either.
Hey Sweeties,
We have been so fortunate this year in the UK, particularly in the south-east (I can’t speak for everywhere else) that we have enjoyed a super early, super bumper crop of blackberries. As spring turns into summer, I start noticing the hedges of bramble bushes begin to flower and then form into reddy-pink fruit; as soon as the blackberries ripen you can be sure I’m clearing space in my freezer, grabbing tubs and heading on out to strip all the local bushes. What’s even better this year, is that I managed to grow my own blackberry bush in my garden and train it up the back fence, and it has been such a pleasure watching blackberries form and ripen, before picking.
Hey Sweeties,
Following from last week’s Sunday post, I thought I would perk things up a bit about how you can help yourself to see the positives.
For me, particularly several years ago when I was going through a pretty bad phase of depression, the worst thing people could –and some did- say to me is to ‘cheer up and remember that there are always people in a worst situation than you are’. This for the record, helps nobody saying that, nobody. I appreciate it is difficult for those who don’t understand to not get how some people can be low, almost for no real reason but sometimes that is just the case. Sometimes you are just sad.
Although it was an expensive solution, as you know from last week’s Sunday Chat the way I found to help myself out of feeling a bit rubbish was to book myself onto a Trek America tour next year; it gives me something to look forward to and a focus although I have sacrificed getting a new car in the process, hey ho! I may finish the trip with no lifelong friendships taken from it but I’ll have still spent two weeks travelling up the west coast of the USA with a totally new group of people to share the experience with which for me at least, I will never forget.
For quicker, less expensive perks, I couldn’t be more of an advocate about finding positives in the every day (bear with me). For example; the sky is blue today. Someone smiled at me. I heard something funny on the radio… you get the idea. Mostly I think it is visual triggers, things that you see that provide a moment of happiness or at least, make you smile. Last year on the short drive to work I would pass a bit of a clearing on the side of the road and most days –not every day- I would see some rabbits. I used to love this. It sounds silly but honestly, once you have trained your brain to see these things and you can appreciate how something so minor can be viewed as something positive you’ll be fine, even if it makes you forget for only a few minutes… it still worked.
For times though when feeling unhappy isn’t the problem, you’re just in moments of incredible stress and anxiety, another good exercise that is great that can apply to absolutely everyone and for a variety of situations, particularly when you know something is coming up (like an interview) where you’re nervous and becoming a little overwhelmed by it all is to break it/the day up into units. I heard about this exercise years ago and once you’ve got it, it can be used and applied to so many things. But let’s take an interview for the example. So, let’s pretend the interview is in London and you live outside of the city and will be getting the train in.
Unit 1: Getting ready -showered, changed, make-up etc.
Unit 2: Going to the station
Unit 3: On the train
Unit 4: In London, getting the tube(s) to the location
Unit 5: At the location, sat waiting to go into your interview
Unit 6: Interview time
Unit 7: You’re done! Now you can head home.
Usually my units would only go as far as the thing I was nervous about but of course you can keep them going for as long as you need.
The purpose of the above is to break the day into bite size chunks and as you complete each unit, you’re nearer the end than you were at the start of the process and they can be interpreted as mini achievements. Also, by the time you’ve got to unit 6/the main element you were nervous about, you’re more than half way through the day and the finish is in sight. It also helps focus the brain on the next stage rather than trying to take in and cope with the situation/day as a whole.
I apologise if you find these posts a little silly but I hope you can see the point in why I have written them and can actually see that for some, they may be seen as beneficial and for me certainly all of the above helps me and continues to do so.
(For those despairing): Today I have been out and done a little (but expensive) beauty haul so you can look forward to that post later this week along with another beauty review as well as a post commenting on something a little different… I am also soon attending another Elle Inside event so lots of fun things coming up on here over the next couple of weeks!
Hope you guys had a great weekend!
Until next time x
Hey Sweeties,
To be honest this wasn’t going to be something I blogged about but… I think not to acknowledge this recent ‘incident’ would be a missed opportunity and something I may later need to draw upon in the future (by which I mean touching upon anxiety).
I am very conscious that this is an issue that tons of people are discussing and I would hate to appear like I am jumping on the bandwagon for the sake of joining in on something topical. But then again on the other end of the spectrum, it’s good to know I am not alone and that what I am currently experiencing isn’t abnormal (far from it), and for you guys you can see how something like anxiety takes on many different forms with many different people in as many different situations.
So, let me explain the unfortunate incident of the Mr Whippy.
Last Friday it was the annual Hartley Wintney vs. Hampshire twenty-twenty match on the green and although Ian and I have now moved away from the area, we’re unlikely to not continue to go to this each year while we can.
Anyway.
We’re a couple of hours into the afternoon, the game is in full swing and Ian asks if I fancy an ice cream. To be honest I was prepared to wait another hour or so but if he was going to get one himself as well, then why not! A few minutes later he returns with one giant Mr Whippy (because for an extra 50p you could get an extra scoop –fair play).
The additional factor I forgot to mention was that it was a hot afternoon but for some reason no sooner was the ice cream purchased, it began melting so by the time it got to me it was a dribbling mess.
*Let me just interrupt proceedings here and quickly highlight that what was to follow was by no means responsible of Ian, it was just an unfortunate outcome to what was otherwise a very innocent and well-intended situation and he knows this*
So why this became an unfortunate incident is because I went from happy and content (watching the cricket) to stressed, embarrassed and anxious instantly. Why? Because if it was just Ian and I it would have been okay but it wasn’t, we had a couple of acquaintances with us who (as anyone would) were laughing.
If Ian had got an ice cream as well and it was also melting, then the situation would have been funny and shared. If the ice cream wasn’t a double scoop, then I wouldn’t be sat there noted for eating a big ice cream and wouldn’t have had to have dealt with the scale of melting that was happening.
When you have something like an ice cream, or anything that you don’t have very often (if at all), you want to enjoy the experience and savour it, not have to rush it owing to things out of your control. The situation became quickly embarrassing for me which made me anxious as I had too much attention for the wrong reasons.
Also, like thousands of other people, particularly women, I hate attention drawn to me when it concerns food. If people are commenting on something amazing I have ordered that’s fine. But if it’s because the portion is too big (or bigger than average) then that’s not good and it stresses me out quite understandably.
So I am sat on the edge of the green trying to quickly devour a double Mr Whippy while it furiously melts and being laughed at… then I am afraid it was one drip too many and I threw the rest of the cone into an empty plastic beer cup and walked away, refusing the offer of tissues. Fortunately there was a pub just opposite so I headed there to wash my hands and get away from the situation.
But I was upset, I needed to get away and calm myself down and I went for a quick walk around the block afterwards before heading back to Ian, but even when I sat back down I had to keep my sunglasses on to cover my tears. Silly isn’t it?
On reflection I can now see the funny side but I can also see how badly I am reacting to certain situations and environments right now. I say right now because I have only recently become really aware of it, I have always suffered with a bit of insecurity but on the whole I would say I am (was) a confident individual who actually quite enjoys my own company but lately not so.
I find myself feeling nervous, mostly when I realise I am quite exposed and by exposed that could be me just walking to Asda and back on my own. I like anonymity; I like running my errands and having a coffee in Costa with a good book unnoticed and for the most part I am never disturbed or even seen by someone I might know.
But sometimes, depending on where I am, the thought of being randomly pounced on gets the better of me and this can apply even to the phone. I hate unplanned conversation which sounds totally bizarre and to be honest it’s stupid but it’s how it is. If my Mum calls me out of the blue, absolutely fine but if someone says to me, “I’ll call you later” that freaks me out and puts me in a panic as no matter who it is, I worry about the conversation and struggling for things to say.
How often though do I struggle for things to say, like really? I don’t.
So do I suffer with anxiety? I guess I do, but like I said earlier, anxiety affects many different people in many different ways for as many different reasons so although I don’t get panic attacks (yet), this condition still feels quite debilitating and something I have to learn to deal with and get over.
I would love to hear your thoughts on this and your own experiences so please do share them.
Until next time x
