Hey Sweeties,

While we’re still in the hype of the New Year, I felt this Sunday chat post needed to remain one of reflection. I have already written this week about 2014 and my hopes for the year going forward (here), but it’s since clicking publish have I thought of other things that happened in 2014 that I completely failed to mention such as my opportunities with Elle magazine. I have read some of your posts and those of other bloggers I follow in regards to reflecting on the year now gone and I can’t help but feel like I have become lost, confused, claustrophobic almost with thoughts about 2015; the year now already ticking away as I write.

The past couple of days I have really got hot and bothered about my career which is ridiculous but as you all know, it’s at the top of my list of goals and aspirations and will be for the foreseeable future. I spent the best part of seven years getting myself into the communications industry (read my Graduate Experience) and yet I am now not completely sure this is where I want to be. I wonder now if I just convinced myself I wanted to work in PR and marketing? I enjoy writing press releases but I don’t want to be in PR, I like the creative side of marketing but mostly it’s far too analytical which isn’t me at all therefore I have no desire to progress further down this route. I have also developed a hatred for social media unless it’s for personal use. Oh man.

Ultimately this also narrows down to feeling as though that at 27 years old, I should have my shit together and be a lot further ahead than I am… Although I tell myself and have no doubt mentioned on here previously that there is no rush, that your twenties are for trying out a few things and finding what works for you, I struggle to follow this -my own- advice. Writing is my number one love and if I was given an opportunity tomorrow I would jump at it… But what I don’t want is a role where I am just churning out content for the sake of it rather than for genuine purpose. I also worry that writing can be too isolating and as much as I like getting my head down and working independently, I know it wouldn’t take much to turn me into a hermit & with my battles with occasional loneliness this would be a disaster.

I actually think that having the freedom to try out a few jobs and career options to find the correct fit is not only healthy, but should be encouraged and until you hit thirty, employers shouldn’t necessarily raise their eyebrows at your CV if there seems to be method and lessons learnt from each previous employment. But as someone that has been in that situation and had to explain why -at probably only 21-22 years old- why I was moving from different professions, you do crave stability. This actually was one of the reasons I wanted to go to University so that I could start afresh at graduation and my pre life was merely that. I am also someone that is at my most comfortable when I know where I am going and how I am going to get there and I like to come across like that in interviews, and I do fortunately.

My big goal if you like is that by thirty, I am in a position to start a family (if I wanted to) and to do that, I feel I need to have a career built up enough that it would be ok to take a short break, or it’s something I could do freelance or work flexibly around raising a family. I have a salary in mind and to be honest, thirty is more like thirty-two now but still, I have an aim. This is still the best part of 3 years away, 5 if we’re going for the latter age, it is still all perfectly achievable so I really do need to just chill the fuck out and accept that everything will work out as long as I am keeping myself aware and sharp to the opportunities that become available. I know myself, I just over think and analyse every goddamn thing to the extreme which is why I end up in situations like the one I am busily writing out for you guys now.

One thing I feel I would like to do, is work or be in a position of influence with young people at school leaver age and tell them that trying to decide what you want to do in life is ridiculous until they have gone out into the real world and started experiencing things for themselves. I went to a good school and because I was a hard worker, they were good to me in return, that was until GCSE/A-Level time where I just felt they let me down. I made the decision to not go to University (although I did later) & I found myself in a small group separated from the rest as the school were simply not interested in those not going (to University). Rather than giving us as help and guidance with job applications or advice about alternative further education we were just forgotten. Now, that attitude is (hopefully) almost archaic but I am sure it still exists and schools don’t realise how single minded they are and how actually, they are letting their young people down if University really is the only way they measure student success.

All I am saying, is that just because others seem to have a clear direction outlined, don’t feel that what you’re doing isn’t still leading you in the right direction you think you want to go in. It might not be obvious, but trust your decisions and make use of opportunities when they present themselves, even if you’re not totally sure how it fits in with your life plan. Things have a funny way of working out so trust your instincts, think with your head but follow your heart and I am sure you will be fine.

Until next time x